It was a good Christmas time filled with love and thanksgiving . . .

1. “I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.” – William Shakespeare

1. The maker . . . 

I found this wonderful crochet book in my own library so I am anxious to get started on a few motifs.  Also, I am reviewing a Craftsy class on freeform crochet.  I bought the class several years ago and with the changes in Craftsy now, I have gotten more involved.  Of course, the fact that there are days I don't want to be very active is also a help to have some old classes waiting on Craftsy.  I have just enough energy to try a few things and then it is rest time again.  I will get more strength in the next couple days and I am looking forward to it.  For now, I am enjoying being a comfy chair "vegetable".  

2. The love . . . 

Weston gave us some good creamed honey for Christmas so I tried it this morning.  It was delicious.  I made a piece of gluten free toast, added some of my homemade almond butter with a little of that great honey on the top.  Wow!  It was amazing!  I am looking forward to trying that again - and soon

3. The fight . . .

Chemo was on Tuesday and I changed things up a bit so I did a little better this time, but I am deep in being tired - and I mean really, really tired for a couple more days.  The night and day after chemo, I am really "jacked up" from the steroids.  I needed to come down from that "softly" so I monitored better what I took.  I eased off on the nausea med that is also a steroid and I tried to take better care of water drinking and food intake.  My doctor gave me the idea with the meds part and I do think it helped.  Also, I have found I feel better if I eat very, very light in the evening.  Now, it will get a bit better each day and then it will be chemo time again on the 12th of January.  I am anxious to get back to my studio and some work on my art.   

Chemo Tomorrow but Good News . . .

 “Maybe everything comes out all right, if you keep on trying. Anyway, you have to keep on trying; nothing will come out right if you don’t.”― Laura Ingalls Wilder

1. The maker . . . 

I continue to work on my next art piece but I spent more time taking things apart these past few days than putting them together.  

But - in the evenings, I am enjoying doing some crochet.  I made this cute hat to review how to get started.  

2. The love . . . 

I am loving my time and support from my family and friends.  It is usually by phone, or cards, or Zoom, but it is all so loving and makes my heart sing.

3. The fight . . .

Good news - my oncologist,  at my appointment today,  said he could not feel the lump in my breast at all.  And he was very pleased.  I have had 2 chemo/immunotherapy infusions and he said my body is really responding well to the treatment.  So he called it a "Christmas present" for us both.  I floated right out of the hospital.  I have chemo tomorrow but I know it is working so that makes me feel so positive.  

Holiday Times . . .

 Good memories bring great richness, laughter, longing, and love to these holiday celebrations.

1. The maker . . . 

I continue to be a maker.  Sometimes I make art and sometimes I make granola.   I added a little black strap molasses to this batch along with the oatmeal, craisins, and walnuts.  It is not too bad.  

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2. The love . . . 

I can remember when I used to think time was flying by but this year has seemed to linger at every moment.  

Here is a great picture that represents one of those wonderful memories of a holiday celebration from years long past.  This is my brother, John and my sister, Stacey.  I am on the right.  John and I were in high school and Stacey was probably about 2 or 3.  It was a long time ago, but such a wonderful memory.

3. The fight . . .

I continue to learn.  I really have to eat smaller portions and more often during the day.  I think my body just doesn't want to take on the work load, in addtion to everything else I am asking of it,  to digest a normal size meal.  And - for me - no refined sugar!  If I eat refined sugar, it makes me down in the dumps as soon as the "high" wears off.  I didn't try very much so I thought it might be ok.  I have known that for years and have stayed clear for the past 3 years.  But for some reason, even a little bit impacts me more now.  

But I can remember what it tastes like so it is like all my other wonderful holiday memories.  I don't have to relive them - some of them I can't.  But I can enjoy the memory.  

It is going to be OK . . .

Somedays you just know it is going to be ok.  Today was one of those days.  My "want to do this" list far exceeded my "can do this" list, but that was ok.  It was a gift to know I could at least try.

1. The maker . . . 

I made almond butter in my almost 50 year old food processor.  I have never made it before but it was easy and I found this website that showed the pictures of how the almonds grind and eventually become the creamy butter.  

https://www.notenoughcinnamon.com/make-almond-butter/

I thought you had to add something to make it come together, but the almonds just have everything they need to become "butter".  It is delicious!

2. The love . . . 

And we enjoyed a gorgeous sunset a couple days back.  Just for moments the sky was pink and it made the land and air pink as well - and then it was gone.

And we spent time today decorating our family room for Christmas.  Usually we go all out with several trees.  But this year, we decided to put up just one of the small trees and be more realistic about enjoying it.  We spend our time in this room and this is where we will enjoy the season.  

3. The fight . . .

And the darkness lifted in the middle of day 9 just like after the first infusion.  So I will take it!  It seems like I get these gifts of 11 days now to be thankful and blessed.  And it is Christmas and I love the lights, the music, the love, my family, and my friends.  Thank you!

Day 6 - Second Chemo

 “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

― Winston S. Churchill

1. The maker . . . 

I made this for my granddaughter, Meagan, 15 years ago.  It got wet during storage and was ruined a couple years later.  I have always wanted to remake it - larger.  So I am thinking I might want to do it now.  Who knows?

2. The love . . . 

Yesterday, our son. Stan, fixed us a great supper of tostados.  After our little ride in the sunshine, we stopped to pick up our supper.  We are all staying very isolated so we visited for a few minutes outside with our masks and distancing and then came home to enjoy.  He had taken the grandsons over to the new high school tennis lot and I wanted to share this picture.  Montana on the 6th of December.  They are all sad because the ski season is late.  

3. The fight . . .

Feeling much better this morning but it was a weird 6 days to get here.  There were a couple good days after the chemo and a couple horrendous days.  I have decided I need to focus on getting on with my life and not letting this cancer fight get in my way.  I am not sure how that will work, but I am going to give it a shot.  I want to kick the cancer, but I want to enjoy each day as much as possible.  I know there are things I can do that will help.  I will find them!

My "new normal" continues . . .

The second chemo day was yesterday . . .  

So here is one my my favorite quotes from Dr. Seuss.  I always thought it was more targeted to the young when they were starting out in life.  But I realized, at various time, we are all "starting out in life" so it seems to fit.

“You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

1. The maker . . . 

This was oatmeal making morning.  I make about 3 or 4 days worth at once.  I just chop up some apple and add craisins while the oats are cooking with cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg.  Yum!  Then we eat our first day with great joy and I just load it into a bowl to put in the frig and take out some each morning for the next three mornings and reheat with a little more water.  I usually add chopped walnuts but forgot this morning so will add them as I reheat some each day. It is so good when my tummy says, "I don't want to eat anything - hear me? - nothing!"  But this will go down ok in a small dose. 

I have made some new connections with my art.  Small ones, but that has been good.  Here is a "practice" piece in progress for a larger piece that a technique I need has me stumped.  If this works, as I hope, I will be on my way.  I hope to be able to stick one seam a day - ha! ha! - but last time I barely recognized my sewing machine until day 10.  I hope it goes better this time.  

This is a technique I found on a newsletter from Lisa Flowers Ross, an amazing fiber artist in Boise, ID.  I have not taken a class from her so am trying to remember what she said when I visited her studio a couple years back. Look up her website and subscribe to her newsletter.  It is a great read!  

Here is another technique that I practiced after watching an older session from Rosalie Dace on The Quilt Show.  It was a fun session and I will use this technique to insert small sections of color to break up some of the larger pieces as needed. 

2. The love . . . 

Holidays are times to remember good times from when my mom and my dad were alive.  So I also enjoy remembering my mom and her sewing.  She was an excellent seamstress and everyone loved her.  She was invited to join into a retreat quilting group in the late 90's.  They met twice a year and created a simple quilt during their week together and would then send it off to someone to quilt.  She loved the group and they loved having her with them.  She loved selecting the fabrics for the pattern.  But she wasn't too excited about the idea of cutting the fabric into small pieces and then sewing them back together into the same block over and over to make a flat, larger piece of fabric.  She preferred to sew beautiful fabrics into coats and suits and gorgeous clothes.  She loved recycling items into wearables with embellishments and trims. And boy could she do all of that! 

Here is the first quilt she made.  She hung it in their home in Missoula.  I now have it folded over a chair upstairs in my studio. . . 

Here is the second quilt she made while with the group. I have it on display in our kitchen on the tall wall over the cupboards. 

She politely declined after two times due to other "obligations"  I never knew for years the real reason until she told me not too many years before she passed in 2015.  In 2011, at 90, after my dad passed, she moved over here to Bozeman from Missoula and I tried to encourage her to take up her sewing again and thought creating blocks from the "Women of the Bible" pattern would be fun for her.  She loved reading her Bible and knew those stories well.  Then the truth came out.  I miss her with great love and wonderful memories. 

3. The fight . . .

Yesterday was my second chemo day.  I am still upright and it is late morning.  So far so good. I did get more information about things I could/should be doing to not have the 10 days of extreme headache pain and sickness.  So I have all the guns working to get through this session a bit better.  

This is where the quote fits . . . brains in my head . . .  feet in my shoes . . . I need to use both.

My good friend, Katy, made me this cute hat from some of her original fabric that she designs.  Since going to chemo is my only outing,  I "dressed up" and wore my new hat with earrings even.  No lipstick - but I will save that story for another time.  I love it and it is so comfortable.  

Leave me a note if you have a minute.  I love hearing from you and my doctor says it is important for healing to stay in touch.  Thank you and love you all.  

Happy Thanksgiving . . .

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

                                                                                                                                                                 Meister Eckhart

1. The maker . . . 

This is what I finally did last night.  I received these really warm, comfortable lounging pajamas from my kids here.  I like to wear the tops like a little jacket over a t-tshirt and these were pull-over type so I added a jacket zipper.  I also had to hem the pants a bit and now I have a "new outfit" for our virtual Thanksgiving dinner.  

I also have been enjoying my "maker space" I got my oil diffuser going and it has been a real treat in my studio

2. The love . . . 

My love is for the growing greenery inside and out.  My cactus is starting to bloom.

My crystal bowl in my living room on the large crochet doily Mom made for me 25 years ago.

3. The fight . . .

And I lost my hair this week.  I put my hand to my head as I felt this funny feeling.  I rubbed my head and when I brought my had down it had lots of hair on it.  Then I reached up and gently tugged at my hair and with each tug more and more came out in chunks,  So I decided to just go ahead and shave it as I didn't want to have hair falling out all over the house.  Bob used his fancy new beard trimmer and it work fine.  I am wearing nice soft slouchy hats during the day and night and it is all good. 

Continuing the journey . . .

 I continue to move forward through this first round of treatment.  I have done lots of reading and had several good conversations with breast cancer survivors.   And then this came to me about my art . . . 

Focus on internal peace and quiet, listen, take time and then create in peace and quiet without goals, challenges, deadlines, or competition.  

1. The maker . . .

I am working on a piece but not ready to share more about it yet so I will share my first cup of "studio coffee" since before my first infusion.  I just have not liked the taste at all, but this morning it sounded good and tasted great!

And here is another sign of a maker - on leave for a year.  I have, for the past several years, had Christmas Cookie baking days out here for Rainy, (DIL), Weston and Walker.  I have always enjoy making holiday cookies for 2 or 3 days.  This year I know it is not in the cards for me so I packed up "Big Bertha" and sent her it into town for them to use without me.  I may Zoom in on one of their sessions.  They are excited to get started.  I suspect it will stay there since next year I might still be in treatment and the following year they will be well on their way on their own so I will just go in there and enjoy coaching and cheering.  

2. The love . . . 

My long time BFF, Gail, sent me this cute hat.  I will love wearing it in the next few months.  Gail and I were assigned as roommates in the fall of 1963 when we met up as freshman in college.  We have stayed as close as family since then. 

3. The fight . . .

Today was day 13 since my first infusion.  Day 1 was a good day and I left the infusion feeling rested and good.  Days 2 - 5 were rough.  Days 6 - 8 started to get some better and I realized I really had to take care of myself as far as rest and food intake were concerned.  Days 9 - 13 have been much, much better.  My brain is still a little foggy but the pains, the headaches, the total feeling exhaustion in my body and mind have lessened and are totally tolerable.  So I think I have 8 or 9 more decent days until the next infusion.  

Ups and Downs . . .

 I am starting to get the message - "Carol, this journey is not in your control!"

"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit." - J.R.R. Tolkien

1. The maker . . . 

I wanted to share my "making" today - I hemmed some soft, fleece, lounge pants today.  I have three new pair and each needs the pants shortened.  I have tried for the past week.  Tuesday my head was so warped from the chemo that the machine seemed to be a new device so I quit and thought - well so much for sewing for the next year.  

But today I felt better - went upstairs - turned on my favorite machine and it was easy.  It felt like I was back. I am so thankful.  

2. The love . . . 

I love my home and I know it is here to soothe me and love me as I travel this next year.  Last night as I left the family room area to walk across the entry to our bedroom and get ready for bed, this is the welcome that greeted me.  Just a quick walk across the rocks, past my old trunk and into my bedroom.  Comfortable and loving!

3. The fight . . .

My journey since Monday evening has been "ups and downs".  And then yesterday afternoon, I just started to feel better.  It was like someone lifting the shade.  But I decided I had to get serious about what I needed to be doing so I made up a definite list and I need to really do each of these every day.  It seems obvious but I must work harder to take care of myself.  This is my work for the next year and I have to be more committed. It is not like I can do this a few days and then back to normal.  This is my new normal. . . 

                    1.  Be in bed by 9 pm and stay in bed, even if I am awake, until after 7 am

                    2.  Drink lots and lots of fluids - 8 to 12 glasses each day

                    3.  Eat a little something every 2 to 3 hours 

                    4.  Clean my teeth after each time I eat something and rinse with the salt and baking soda solution

                    5.  Walk or do gentle exercise each day - 10 to 30 minutes.  The 10 minutes will do when I am really sick

                    6.  Spend time in prayer and thanksgiving each day

                    7.  Spend special time each day writing to or talking with loved ones or special friends

                    8.  Work hard to keep my surroundings quiet, peaceful, loving and strong. 

 

Another better day. . .

I reread some of my old blog posts.  I realized I loved the quotes to inspire that I found that meant a lot to me.  I think I am missing that in this blog so I will start with one some days. 

“On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.” — Gregory S. Williams

And so I did begin - maybe I need to raise the sail a bit more some days. 

1. The maker . . . 

I love chicken with wild rice soup.  I am supposed to eat lots of veggies - cooked and stay away from preservatives, raw veggies and try to be more plant-based.  So I will try.  I found this recipe and it is delicious.   

https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/chicken-and-wild-rice-soup/

I made it dairy free with almond milk which I use most of the time, but a friend suggested I try coconut milk next time so I will do that.  I also thickened it with corn starch rather than flour to make it gluten free.  I doubled the recipe and froze 4 meals for future needs and that is something to look forward to enjoying. 

2. The love . . . 

And the love today is my two sons.  Stan is in the gray shirt and Roy in the white shirt.  These pictures are from July 2019 just after they completed the duathlon at over 6000 ft ending in Virginia City, MT.  They rode their bikes up the mountain side for 14 miles and then ran into the town which was about 7 more miles.  Stan was 53 at the time and Roy was 49.  Stan lives here in Bozeman with his family and Roy lives in Portland, OR with his family.  They are my strength everyday and especially with this journey.  Bob is their step-dad and most of the time they grew up I was single mom, teaching school during the day, doing graphic art work at night. and sometimes slinging hash.  I am blessed.

3. The fight . . .

And one little, kind of gross, picture of my now healed port.  For some reason it intrigues me how these work during this journey. I wasn't sure how I would feel when I was told this would be recommended. It feels caring and okay.  

See you in a few days. 

It was a lost couple days . . .

Just when I thought - "this wasn't so bad" - it made a believer out of me.  I started to feel really sick on Wednesday night and Thursday was worse.  I started getting better yesterday and today, Saturday, I am feeling almost decent.  So now I know what to expect.  

1. The maker . . . 

I made nothing for the past few days.  I did get some emails and texts answered yesterday.  So here is a picture from something I made a couple months back. I want to do some more of these again - hand stitching on small squares.  

2. The love . . . 

Here is another picture of my love - my Bob.  He is amazing.  I bet sometimes he wished he had not gotten married.  He was 55 when he and I got married and it was his first marriage.  I am blessed. This was after his cateract surgery last winter before Covid hit. 

3. The fight . . .

It goes on.  Food tastes terrible so I am glad I have some extra padding.  The weird horrendous headache might be the worst part.  It is like painful electric shock impulses all over my head - here - then there - then another place - then here.  It was not something I expected.  Coffee tastes awful so I remembered that Walker liked hot chocolate.  I made my self some with a little hot coffee as part of the hot water mix and I think the hot liquid helps. I have had so many wonderful contacts from friends - old and new.  That really helps as well.  On Thursday, I talked with the nurse to my oncologist and she said the worst days with this regimen are usually days 3, 4, and 5.  So this is day 5.  I had thought it would be days 1, 2, and 3.  What do I know?  Nothing! 

You are blessed that I am not sharing a picture of me today.  It is scary!

 

Things are pretty good here . . .

 

The good news - I didn't feel too badly today - better than I expected.  And my calendar is empty for almost 3 weeks and that is like a dream for both of us after the past 6 weeks . . . . .

1. The maker . . . 

This morning I actually got up early and went up to my studio.  I set up my second sewing center so I can work on two pieces at things as the mood strikes and I want to hem up some fleece pants for comfort.  Below is a starting place for a new piece.  I will be very close with the required finish time, but have some time now to really get moving. More to come . . . 

2. The love . . . 

This is one of the hard parts - not getting to spend time with this love.  Walker is 11 now and he is a cancer survivor.  He was diagnosed with brain cancer 5 years ago when he was 6 and survived brain surgery, lots of radiation and over a year of chemo.  And he is doing fine.  When I get scared, I think of him and know I can do this.  We haven't seen them for a couple months due to covid, them starting school and now my need to be even more isolated.  But we do Zoom and get caught up .  

3. The fight . . .

Here is a photo of me getting started yesterday at the Cancer Center.  Everyone was so nice and I felt really pampered.  But is was a long day - about 7 hours from entering until I left.  It might be slightly less next time I am thinking. 

And here is the patch they put on my stomach and today I will automatically get the shot of Neulasta at the right time so I don't have to drive back in to the hospital.  

Tomorrow is my first day of chemo . . .

This is the starting week of my infusions at the cancer center.  I will have two chemo drugs and two immunotherapy drugs infused through my "new" port.  I am packing lots of stuff to keep me occupied for the 5+ hours.  

1. The maker . . . 

I made myself a new mask - and it is ok.  I like this shape and size.  I may make another one tonight so I have two new ones as my others are getting a bit worn.  I want one that has more color and pizazz. 

I also continue to work a little at a time on my coffee piece below for a challenge from the SAQA Oregon Region.   It is in progress but there is a lot of time for me to get it done.  I have another project that I want to finish first.

2. The love . . . 

There is nothing like the love of a dog.  This is our Bailee.  She is a little over 3 and is so loving.  We have had Scotty dogs before and each has their own "perfect" personality.  But we have never had one who is as loving as our Bailee.  Here she is watching the birds have breakfast at the bird feeder.  

3. The fight . . .

Today I got a very special gift from a very special friend.  Barbara Tylka is such a wonderful fiber artist and friend.  She brought me this quilt and a wonderful basket of goodies so I can have an easier journey.  It is so filled with love for this fight.  I love the colors in the quilt - they are warm and filled with energy.  It is a happy, dancing quilt. 

 Thank you, Barbara.

A wonderful day . . .

 1. The maker . . . 

I got to thinking about some quilts that I have made in the past couple years but there has never been time to get them quilted.  Here is one I loved and I hope I can get it finished in this year of cancer treatment.  It has a few items to be added - some organza steam before I quilt it and then some thread sketching to finish it.  It is "Hot Coffee, Good Friends".  It is time to get it done.

2. The love . . . 

I love my home.  Bob built it.  I love this big old fireplace that he built.  Tonight it brings extra love and comfort with the news that Joe Biden will be our next president.  The world seems softer and more caring.

3. The fight . . .

Four years ago, right before the 2016 election, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer.  I had the surgery just before the election and my cancer had not spread beyond the section of the colon removed and was stage one.  I did not have to have chemo.  It was a time to exhale.  And then the election a few days later and the Trump presidency began.  It has been 4 years of bullying, hatred, divisiveness, cheating, lying and more.  Here I am 4 years later, after a breast cancer diagnosis, getting ready to start chemo on Tuesday.  But there is hope for our country, for my grandchildren, and for recovery.  

Busy week . . .

1. The maker . . . 

I made some granola.  I love my own granola with frozen blueberries and almond milk for a breakfast choice.  It is a real treat for me to have a 1/4 cup of it here ant here.  

2. The love . . . 

Bob is admiring his work on the new deck.  It is an amazing upgrade from the original entry deck to the front door.  It will last for 25 years - or so we are told.  Who cares at our age?  We sure hope the people living here in 25 years enjoy it.  

3. The fight . . . 

It was a long week in and out of the hospital.  The port was installed, met with my radiation oncology doctor, had an echocardiogram, met with the cancer center counselor who guides us through the journey, had a CT scan, and a bone scan.  The good news is that the scans showed no evidence of disease anywhere else in my body beyond the lump in my left breast and the lymph under my left arm.  While waiting from one scan to the other yesterday, I visited the new hospital entry just completed.  It is not open to the public during this covid crisis where they have controlled entry through only a few entries.  It was a beautiful, peaceful time to relax.

 It has been a busy week of tests, scans, and preparation for chemo that will begin next week.