Happy Thanksgiving . . .

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

                                                                                                                                                                 Meister Eckhart

1. The maker . . . 

This is what I finally did last night.  I received these really warm, comfortable lounging pajamas from my kids here.  I like to wear the tops like a little jacket over a t-tshirt and these were pull-over type so I added a jacket zipper.  I also had to hem the pants a bit and now I have a "new outfit" for our virtual Thanksgiving dinner.  

I also have been enjoying my "maker space" I got my oil diffuser going and it has been a real treat in my studio

2. The love . . . 

My love is for the growing greenery inside and out.  My cactus is starting to bloom.

My crystal bowl in my living room on the large crochet doily Mom made for me 25 years ago.

3. The fight . . .

And I lost my hair this week.  I put my hand to my head as I felt this funny feeling.  I rubbed my head and when I brought my had down it had lots of hair on it.  Then I reached up and gently tugged at my hair and with each tug more and more came out in chunks,  So I decided to just go ahead and shave it as I didn't want to have hair falling out all over the house.  Bob used his fancy new beard trimmer and it work fine.  I am wearing nice soft slouchy hats during the day and night and it is all good. 

Continuing the journey . . .

 I continue to move forward through this first round of treatment.  I have done lots of reading and had several good conversations with breast cancer survivors.   And then this came to me about my art . . . 

Focus on internal peace and quiet, listen, take time and then create in peace and quiet without goals, challenges, deadlines, or competition.  

1. The maker . . .

I am working on a piece but not ready to share more about it yet so I will share my first cup of "studio coffee" since before my first infusion.  I just have not liked the taste at all, but this morning it sounded good and tasted great!

And here is another sign of a maker - on leave for a year.  I have, for the past several years, had Christmas Cookie baking days out here for Rainy, (DIL), Weston and Walker.  I have always enjoy making holiday cookies for 2 or 3 days.  This year I know it is not in the cards for me so I packed up "Big Bertha" and sent her it into town for them to use without me.  I may Zoom in on one of their sessions.  They are excited to get started.  I suspect it will stay there since next year I might still be in treatment and the following year they will be well on their way on their own so I will just go in there and enjoy coaching and cheering.  

2. The love . . . 

My long time BFF, Gail, sent me this cute hat.  I will love wearing it in the next few months.  Gail and I were assigned as roommates in the fall of 1963 when we met up as freshman in college.  We have stayed as close as family since then. 

3. The fight . . .

Today was day 13 since my first infusion.  Day 1 was a good day and I left the infusion feeling rested and good.  Days 2 - 5 were rough.  Days 6 - 8 started to get some better and I realized I really had to take care of myself as far as rest and food intake were concerned.  Days 9 - 13 have been much, much better.  My brain is still a little foggy but the pains, the headaches, the total feeling exhaustion in my body and mind have lessened and are totally tolerable.  So I think I have 8 or 9 more decent days until the next infusion.  

Ups and Downs . . .

 I am starting to get the message - "Carol, this journey is not in your control!"

"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit." - J.R.R. Tolkien

1. The maker . . . 

I wanted to share my "making" today - I hemmed some soft, fleece, lounge pants today.  I have three new pair and each needs the pants shortened.  I have tried for the past week.  Tuesday my head was so warped from the chemo that the machine seemed to be a new device so I quit and thought - well so much for sewing for the next year.  

But today I felt better - went upstairs - turned on my favorite machine and it was easy.  It felt like I was back. I am so thankful.  

2. The love . . . 

I love my home and I know it is here to soothe me and love me as I travel this next year.  Last night as I left the family room area to walk across the entry to our bedroom and get ready for bed, this is the welcome that greeted me.  Just a quick walk across the rocks, past my old trunk and into my bedroom.  Comfortable and loving!

3. The fight . . .

My journey since Monday evening has been "ups and downs".  And then yesterday afternoon, I just started to feel better.  It was like someone lifting the shade.  But I decided I had to get serious about what I needed to be doing so I made up a definite list and I need to really do each of these every day.  It seems obvious but I must work harder to take care of myself.  This is my work for the next year and I have to be more committed. It is not like I can do this a few days and then back to normal.  This is my new normal. . . 

                    1.  Be in bed by 9 pm and stay in bed, even if I am awake, until after 7 am

                    2.  Drink lots and lots of fluids - 8 to 12 glasses each day

                    3.  Eat a little something every 2 to 3 hours 

                    4.  Clean my teeth after each time I eat something and rinse with the salt and baking soda solution

                    5.  Walk or do gentle exercise each day - 10 to 30 minutes.  The 10 minutes will do when I am really sick

                    6.  Spend time in prayer and thanksgiving each day

                    7.  Spend special time each day writing to or talking with loved ones or special friends

                    8.  Work hard to keep my surroundings quiet, peaceful, loving and strong. 

 

Another better day. . .

I reread some of my old blog posts.  I realized I loved the quotes to inspire that I found that meant a lot to me.  I think I am missing that in this blog so I will start with one some days. 

“On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.” — Gregory S. Williams

And so I did begin - maybe I need to raise the sail a bit more some days. 

1. The maker . . . 

I love chicken with wild rice soup.  I am supposed to eat lots of veggies - cooked and stay away from preservatives, raw veggies and try to be more plant-based.  So I will try.  I found this recipe and it is delicious.   

https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/chicken-and-wild-rice-soup/

I made it dairy free with almond milk which I use most of the time, but a friend suggested I try coconut milk next time so I will do that.  I also thickened it with corn starch rather than flour to make it gluten free.  I doubled the recipe and froze 4 meals for future needs and that is something to look forward to enjoying. 

2. The love . . . 

And the love today is my two sons.  Stan is in the gray shirt and Roy in the white shirt.  These pictures are from July 2019 just after they completed the duathlon at over 6000 ft ending in Virginia City, MT.  They rode their bikes up the mountain side for 14 miles and then ran into the town which was about 7 more miles.  Stan was 53 at the time and Roy was 49.  Stan lives here in Bozeman with his family and Roy lives in Portland, OR with his family.  They are my strength everyday and especially with this journey.  Bob is their step-dad and most of the time they grew up I was single mom, teaching school during the day, doing graphic art work at night. and sometimes slinging hash.  I am blessed.

3. The fight . . .

And one little, kind of gross, picture of my now healed port.  For some reason it intrigues me how these work during this journey. I wasn't sure how I would feel when I was told this would be recommended. It feels caring and okay.  

See you in a few days. 

It was a lost couple days . . .

Just when I thought - "this wasn't so bad" - it made a believer out of me.  I started to feel really sick on Wednesday night and Thursday was worse.  I started getting better yesterday and today, Saturday, I am feeling almost decent.  So now I know what to expect.  

1. The maker . . . 

I made nothing for the past few days.  I did get some emails and texts answered yesterday.  So here is a picture from something I made a couple months back. I want to do some more of these again - hand stitching on small squares.  

2. The love . . . 

Here is another picture of my love - my Bob.  He is amazing.  I bet sometimes he wished he had not gotten married.  He was 55 when he and I got married and it was his first marriage.  I am blessed. This was after his cateract surgery last winter before Covid hit. 

3. The fight . . .

It goes on.  Food tastes terrible so I am glad I have some extra padding.  The weird horrendous headache might be the worst part.  It is like painful electric shock impulses all over my head - here - then there - then another place - then here.  It was not something I expected.  Coffee tastes awful so I remembered that Walker liked hot chocolate.  I made my self some with a little hot coffee as part of the hot water mix and I think the hot liquid helps. I have had so many wonderful contacts from friends - old and new.  That really helps as well.  On Thursday, I talked with the nurse to my oncologist and she said the worst days with this regimen are usually days 3, 4, and 5.  So this is day 5.  I had thought it would be days 1, 2, and 3.  What do I know?  Nothing! 

You are blessed that I am not sharing a picture of me today.  It is scary!

 

Things are pretty good here . . .

 

The good news - I didn't feel too badly today - better than I expected.  And my calendar is empty for almost 3 weeks and that is like a dream for both of us after the past 6 weeks . . . . .

1. The maker . . . 

This morning I actually got up early and went up to my studio.  I set up my second sewing center so I can work on two pieces at things as the mood strikes and I want to hem up some fleece pants for comfort.  Below is a starting place for a new piece.  I will be very close with the required finish time, but have some time now to really get moving. More to come . . . 

2. The love . . . 

This is one of the hard parts - not getting to spend time with this love.  Walker is 11 now and he is a cancer survivor.  He was diagnosed with brain cancer 5 years ago when he was 6 and survived brain surgery, lots of radiation and over a year of chemo.  And he is doing fine.  When I get scared, I think of him and know I can do this.  We haven't seen them for a couple months due to covid, them starting school and now my need to be even more isolated.  But we do Zoom and get caught up .  

3. The fight . . .

Here is a photo of me getting started yesterday at the Cancer Center.  Everyone was so nice and I felt really pampered.  But is was a long day - about 7 hours from entering until I left.  It might be slightly less next time I am thinking. 

And here is the patch they put on my stomach and today I will automatically get the shot of Neulasta at the right time so I don't have to drive back in to the hospital.  

Tomorrow is my first day of chemo . . .

This is the starting week of my infusions at the cancer center.  I will have two chemo drugs and two immunotherapy drugs infused through my "new" port.  I am packing lots of stuff to keep me occupied for the 5+ hours.  

1. The maker . . . 

I made myself a new mask - and it is ok.  I like this shape and size.  I may make another one tonight so I have two new ones as my others are getting a bit worn.  I want one that has more color and pizazz. 

I also continue to work a little at a time on my coffee piece below for a challenge from the SAQA Oregon Region.   It is in progress but there is a lot of time for me to get it done.  I have another project that I want to finish first.

2. The love . . . 

There is nothing like the love of a dog.  This is our Bailee.  She is a little over 3 and is so loving.  We have had Scotty dogs before and each has their own "perfect" personality.  But we have never had one who is as loving as our Bailee.  Here she is watching the birds have breakfast at the bird feeder.  

3. The fight . . .

Today I got a very special gift from a very special friend.  Barbara Tylka is such a wonderful fiber artist and friend.  She brought me this quilt and a wonderful basket of goodies so I can have an easier journey.  It is so filled with love for this fight.  I love the colors in the quilt - they are warm and filled with energy.  It is a happy, dancing quilt. 

 Thank you, Barbara.

A wonderful day . . .

 1. The maker . . . 

I got to thinking about some quilts that I have made in the past couple years but there has never been time to get them quilted.  Here is one I loved and I hope I can get it finished in this year of cancer treatment.  It has a few items to be added - some organza steam before I quilt it and then some thread sketching to finish it.  It is "Hot Coffee, Good Friends".  It is time to get it done.

2. The love . . . 

I love my home.  Bob built it.  I love this big old fireplace that he built.  Tonight it brings extra love and comfort with the news that Joe Biden will be our next president.  The world seems softer and more caring.

3. The fight . . .

Four years ago, right before the 2016 election, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer.  I had the surgery just before the election and my cancer had not spread beyond the section of the colon removed and was stage one.  I did not have to have chemo.  It was a time to exhale.  And then the election a few days later and the Trump presidency began.  It has been 4 years of bullying, hatred, divisiveness, cheating, lying and more.  Here I am 4 years later, after a breast cancer diagnosis, getting ready to start chemo on Tuesday.  But there is hope for our country, for my grandchildren, and for recovery.  

Busy week . . .

1. The maker . . . 

I made some granola.  I love my own granola with frozen blueberries and almond milk for a breakfast choice.  It is a real treat for me to have a 1/4 cup of it here ant here.  

2. The love . . . 

Bob is admiring his work on the new deck.  It is an amazing upgrade from the original entry deck to the front door.  It will last for 25 years - or so we are told.  Who cares at our age?  We sure hope the people living here in 25 years enjoy it.  

3. The fight . . . 

It was a long week in and out of the hospital.  The port was installed, met with my radiation oncology doctor, had an echocardiogram, met with the cancer center counselor who guides us through the journey, had a CT scan, and a bone scan.  The good news is that the scans showed no evidence of disease anywhere else in my body beyond the lump in my left breast and the lymph under my left arm.  While waiting from one scan to the other yesterday, I visited the new hospital entry just completed.  It is not open to the public during this covid crisis where they have controlled entry through only a few entries.  It was a beautiful, peaceful time to relax.

 It has been a busy week of tests, scans, and preparation for chemo that will begin next week.

Healing the cancer - 1 - 2 - 3

I have decided to implement 3 steps in this healing process.  I do my best to will share a few words and a picture with each entry about each of my 3 areas steps   I will try to enter something a couple times a week.  

I want to focus on being a maker surrounded by love with excellent medical support around me.  

    1.  Something to share as a "maker". 

    2.  Something to share about the love around me.

    3.  Something to share about the medical processes for this cancer fight.  

1.  The maker . . . 

I am working on a piece about "The Headwaters".  It is made from 5x5 inch cotton sateen fabric squares that are colored with Inktense blocks.  This is the background.  

2.  The love . . . 

And here is my Bob - my friend - my love - my partner.  He is always here for me and this will be quite a journey for us both.  I am so glad we are on it together.

3. The fight . . .

I was diagnosed with breast cancer  a couples week ago.  I have HR negative, HER2 positive breast cancer originating from a lump in my left breast.  The treatment plan said to be "highly effective" for this type of breast cancer is for 6 sessions of 2 chemo drugs plus 2 immunotherapy drugs over the next 4 months. Following that will be surgery and then radiation if needed. That will be followed by an additional 8 months of immunotherapy drugs.  Here is where I will spend a day every three weeks for the next year plus.  I am confident in the medical community here and it is part of the Seattle Cancer Center Alliance.