Thursday, June 18, 2009

New lenses . . . new view

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Maria Robinson

Sometimes you just need to see things through another set of lenses. When in Portland, I was talking with my son, Roy, about the constant need for trips to Missoula that I felt were necessary. It is a 450 mile round trip from Bozeman to Missoula. I felt I needed to help Mom and Dad with financial decisions, selling the house, nursing home care meetings, etc. Roy simply said, "Mom, they may not make the decisions you would make, but it is their lives and they have a right to make their own decisions about how to live and die."

I really knew that, but it seems in the thrash of the past year that has gotten lost in my weekly trips to Missoula. Maybe it was necessary through last fall when living arrangements for them both were so up in the air. And maybe it was even necessary through the time their house was sold. But, the reality of it is, the house is sold and their living arrangements are pretty stable. Mom is rested and is more than capable of running her own life and overseeing the care of her husband in a nursing home. They have been married for 68 years - granted it has been quite a contentious 68 years, but that is their choice. She can still drive, pay her own bills, take care of her own medical needs, live in a nice senior apartment, have friends, and plan trips with her sister or others. Heck, she is probably in a better place than I am.

So, today, I officially relenquish my role as the "manager" of their lives and hand it back to them. Of course I am just a phone call away if needed. And I will go visit every couple weeks or so as I can. I am just thankful I could help when I did and I am glad they can move along on their own again now for a while.

It is all good!


Anonymous said...

God bless Roy & God bless you for listening to him - wisdom has spoken. Your shoulders must feel a lot better - less weight & all.
Penny B

Carol said...

Yes, thank you - words of wisdom come through many messengers if I will just listen. I slept last night without the turmoil - in peace and love. "Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

Diana said...

Roy is a smart man (you had a lot to do with that , you know!) I'm glad you are relaxing a bit. Hugs to you!

featheredfibers said...

Good for you! It takes courage to push down the fear of "what could happen" and just let go. Roy is a wise soul.