Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Tomorrow . . .

Tomorrow we will go to Fort Benton to bury Mom's ashes.  They were kept at the funeral home since the memorial service on January 12th.  Today I went to pick them up.  The funeral home set up a little room with candles and a beautiful alter and escorted me to that room.  It was quite beautiful and so peaceful.  It really made it much easier as I had dreaded the whole thing.  They are experienced in making life events more beautiful.  I really appreciated it so much.

I am not sure how tomorrow will go.  My sister will go with Bob and I and we will drive up and back in one day.  We have nothing special planned beyond a reading of the 23rd Psalm and The Lords Prayer.  My brother and his wife will come from Missoula.  It will be a lot of driving - 470 miles round trip I think.  It will be a long day but I think it will bring peace. We are thinking we will have lunch somewhere afterwards together and then come home.

I love my brother but I am not looking forward to time with him.  I am still sad that he could not be with mom when she passed.  He was here and he just couldn't "handle it" as he said.  He is my older brother.  When Mom needed him he could not bring himself to be there.  She loved him so and tried all his life to make excuses and find someone else responsible for his not being able to do what is right.  He has always ran away.  It feels vacant now - and sad.  And he will have more "reasons" why and we will all listen politely.  And then we will move on.  I would like it to be different but it isn't.  

Mom's stone is complete and set beside Dad's - so it is ready.  May 20th - tomorrow - would have been Mom's 94th birthday.  I am glad she lived so long.  I am glad I was with her when she passed.  I am glad I was strong enough and responsible enough to be with her as she needed help and support and love - especially during the past 12 years when things got so tough for them both - Mom and Dad.  I am glad I was made from good stuff and raised to do what is right.  Thank you, Mom and Dad.



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