Thursday, May 13, 2010

A month later . . .

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." John Wooden

I can't believe I haven't written for over a month. I wasn't taking an intentional moratorium as I sometimes do when I haven't much to say.

But, I am starting a new focus here for a while and I need your help. I am going to do some work to strengthen my character.

I have had some incidents happen in the past few days that have shown me that I can be an "intruder". Oh, I don't walk uninvited into peoples homes. I know better than that. But, I do have a habit of offering to solve people's problems before they even know they have a problem and it appears that I may be a "know it all" - or that I may be "inviting myself" - or that I might enjoy being a martyr because I offer to help out and do for others so often that I get myself worn out. I don't really know of this is true, but I can sure understand how it appears to others. Seriously - I truly mean to be helpful. And - that might be why I was too busy to blog - I may have been too busy being involved in other people's worlds.

So, I am taking 30 days to really work hard to mind my own business. Maybe I can build a new habit. I have set some goals here to help guide my efforts for new practices.

1. Don't reach out in phone or email to offer to help when no one has asked. They don't need my solutions to problems they don't even have - yet.
2. When, and if, asked to help, I will listen, pause, take time to time to think on it and get back later with a response. (Unless, of course, someone is in dire need of life sustaining efforts. I am great in emergencies.)

Now, I am focused mostly on this with my family, but I have noticed I am "johnny on the spot" to offer my sterling advice to some friends as well so I have just made this a blanket guide to everyone. I am sure my Bob is going to really enjoy the next 30 days of "no solutions offered".

I am going to just "do Carol" and let everyone else "do themselves". Hmmmm - seems I paid big bucks a couple decades ago to hear those words from a "professional".

Yesterday was "Day 1" and it was peaceful. Today will be another good day. So this is a similar effort to my virtual vacation I took a few months back. Only this time, I am on a "no solutions offered" vacation.


Anonymous said...

hmmm how DID you put that mirror on your blog?!?!? i certainly saw some of myself in your words. good luck and hope you post how you fared in your efforts!

Anonymous said...

Reading this is interesting and I did smile at the "how DID you put that mirror on your blog?!?!?" Many of us must be caring 'fixers' and feel that we need to step back from that role.

I made this decision about 3 weeks ago and my DH is hearing me say "...but that isn't my problem to solve".

I'm finding it freeing and along with enlightening (how often I was trying to help others before they asked for any assistance, lol).

I hope you find it freeing, too.


Carol said...

Thank you both for the comments. So far I am doing pretty good - but it is so hard not to offer my "perfect options" to others to improve the quality of their lives. LOL.

Anonymous said...

You my dear, dear friend are the wisest, person I know... You are generous, you are kind and always bring a smile to my days.... Do what is right for you, you always do... Love to you