Taking time . . .

I am just not up for blogging now.  I am trying to do updates on CaringBridge for Walker each day.   I will be back later.  Nothing seems important enough to say right now.

Hard to hear . . .

We found out this afternoon that our 6 year old grandson, Walker, has cancer.  The brain tumor was malignant.  He will go through several weeks of radiation at Children's Hospital in Denver as an inpatient.  Following that will be 10 months of chemo.  If all goes well, they say there is a 90% rate of recovery - whatever that means - maybe remission.  I don't know.

Nothing makes any sense to me right now.  I love that little boy so much and I hate to see him go through what he will have to endure for the next year.

Here he is from our first camping trip to the lake in June this summer.  I am so glad we had these good times with him.  He is a fighter so I hope he knows we will be here to help him fight this cancer.

Feeling all messed up inside . . .

It feels I have been strong for so long now and today I just don't want to be strong any longer.  I want Walker to be ok.  I hate it when a little guy has to go through this posterior fossa syndrome stuff and we don't even know yet the type of tumor so the bad stuff could be yet to come.  I want to scream and scream but I know that won't do any good.  And I hate being here while he is down there.  I feel like I am totally out of the loop and it is even worse today.  I know I need to get through this since this is not about me.  But, damn it, I hate this.  I need to figure out something.

So today the delivery men from Lowes called to tell us they were delivering the new refrigerator we purchased there two weeks ago.  What?  I had forgotton all about it.  It was 7:30 when the call came and they said they would be there in 20 minutes.   I hadn't forgotten I had purchased it as our old one was kind of limping along.  But I had forgotten this was the day for the delivery.  

I was in bed so I jumped up and started emptying out the old refrigerator and got it done.  The guys came, took out the old one, brought in the new one, shoved it in the hole and informed us the cupboards were not right so it would set even.  They then left and said to just wait a while and it might settle in better.

What?  When they left we looked and they had not even brought down the front legs - and they had it sitting crooked.  On one corner nothing was touching the floor.  I am not sure how they managed that but it was certainly what was making it crooked.   So I had to call and get them to return.  First I was informed they would try to get back out at the end of their day if there was time.  No that was not going to work for me.  They needed to do their job correctly the first time as I needed to reload the food.  Finally after a couple more calls up the Lowes food chain, I got them to return about an hour and a half later and they were not happy.  Needless to say, neither was I.

They came in the kitchen and mouthy about what needed to be done.  First they said the cupboards were not correct - wrong!  They were installed by one of the best companies here in Bozeman 3 years ago and the previous fridge was the same size and it fit - snuggly - but it fit.  They finally pulled it out again and did do it right after some very stern words from me.  I had to tell one of them who was really mouthy and rude that he needed to stop or else I would ask him to leave my home.  Not a good experience at all.  Once it was done correctly, the refrigerator is nice and I know we will enjoy it.  It fits the space, is level, and looks good.

It is time to fight . . .

I am over my weeping about what has happened to Walker.  Of course I wish it hadn't happened.  Of course I would rather it be me.  But it did happen and it isn't me.  It is this very precious 6 year old grandson.  So it is time to get going with support, prayers, work and all the rest that has to be done.

Here is a link with more info about what is causing his slow progress following his brain surgery.  http://www.childhoodbraintumor.org/medical-information/late-effects/item/100-cerebellar-mutism
This cerebellar mutism is part the greater Posterior Fassa Syndrome.  This impacts some children who have this kind of tumor removal surgery.  It is going to make his recovery slower, but he will recover with good physical, speech and occupational therapy.  More will be known in a few days about the tumor itself and what that means for ongoing treatment concerning radiation and chemo. The road will be long and treacherous.  There is no time or place for me to feel so down.

Here is a picture of him being read to today by his Denver grandma, lovingly known as Vma.

My heart is aching . . .

Last Thursday, we got a call that our little 6 year old grandson, Walker, was not well.  They did a scan here and saw a brain tumor.  He was flighted that night to Children's Hospital in Denver with his mom.  His dad, brother, Bob and I flew down early the next morning commercial.  At the hospital they were able to stop the brain swelling with steroids, study an MRI and he had surgery on Monday, August 31.   They do not know yet if the tumor, which was quite large, was malignant or benign.  They will know that the first of next week as well as the plan for treatment.

Today is Thursday - a week from that day.  Walker is not progressing as well following the surgery as the surgeon had hoped.  Please think of him and send strength to him and his family.

Bob and I came home with Weston, his brother, late last night.  We will get Weston into school tomorrow.  It is kind of like a nightmare that just keeps going on and on.

I know there is a long road ahead and I know the road will have good days and bad days.  But I just pray that Walker can get well and enjoy years of good life.

I will write more later.